十万个冷笑话英文版

十万个冷笑话英文版一：

A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice JESUS is watching you. 

He looks around with his flashlight wandering What The HELL Was That?. He spots some $ on a table and takes it......Once again he hears a voice JESUS is watching you.

He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from. He spots a birdcage with a parrot in it! He goes over and asks Was that your voice?. It said YES. He then says What's your name?. It says MOSES. 

The burglar says What kind of person names his bird moses?? The parrot replys THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMES HIS Rottweiler JESUS.

十万个冷笑话英文版二：

A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?

一份报纸组织了一场竞赛，为下面的问题征集最佳答案：“如果卢浮宫起了火，而你只能救出一幅画，你将救出哪一幅?”

The winning reply was: The one nearest the exit.

获奖的答案是：“最接近门口的那一幅。”

十万个冷笑话英文版三：

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.

乘客轻拍了一下出租车司机的肩膀,想问个问题. 司机大叫起来, 车也失去了控制, 几乎撞上一辆公车, 还上了便道, 在还差几厘米就撞上商店橱窗时终于停了下来.

The driver said, Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me! The passenger apologized and said, I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. The driver replied, 

Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.