A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: God, what is a million dollars to you? and God says: A penny, then the man says: God, what is a million years to you? and God says: a second, then the man says: God, can I have a penny? and God says In a second

一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?上帝回答:一便士.男子又问:那一百万年呢?上帝说:一秒钟.最后男子请求道:上帝,我能得到一便士吗?上帝回答:过一秒钟.

Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, Congratulations, you got twins. The man said How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins. After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, Congratulations, you got triplets. Man was like Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the 3 musketeers. Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says

Congratulations, you got twins x2. Man is happy and says, Ironic, I work for the hotel 4 Seasons. All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, What's wrong? I work for 7up!

四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:恭喜,你得了双胞胎.男人说:多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理.过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:恭喜,你得了三胞胎.男人很喜欢:嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事.最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎.男人很开心地说:真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作.他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!

呵呵,一个比一个效率高.

Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it and a genie came out and said, I will grant each one a wish that’s 3 together. The Canadian said, I am a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile. The genie said the magic words and the wish came true. Osama looked amazed so he wished for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true. President Bush said Genie, tell me more about this wall, the genie said,” It’s 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out. President Bush said,” Wow! That’s a big bridge...Fill it with water!!!

拉登,一加拿大人还有布什总统走在大街上看到一盏金色的灯.他们擦了擦灯出现了一个精灵.精灵说:我要满足你们每人一个愿望总共三个.加拿大人说:我是个父亲我儿子将成为农夫,因此我想让加拿大的土地永远肥沃.精灵说了咒语愿望实现了.拉登看了很惊奇,他希望有座城墙围绕阿富汗.精灵又说了咒语愿望又实现了.布什总统问:精灵请告诉我关于这座墙的事情.精灵回答:墙厚50英尺,高500英尺,因而里面的任何东西出不来外面的任何东西进不去.布什总统说:哇!那是座大桥耶...注满水!!!

My Baby Swallowed a Bullet

Young Mother: Doctor, my baby swallowd a bullet. What shall I do ?

Doctor: Don't point him at anybody.

Notes

1. to swallow a bullet: 吞下一颗子弹

2. to point at: 对...瞄准

allybaby

Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:First, you should make sure that he is already dead. Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:What should I do next?

两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？”

After Keating had learnt the fine art training course conducted by the Children's Palace for two years,he draw a portrait by the fauvism for his father as his birthday gift.Looking at his own portrait painting , his father felt a pang of pain, saying:You'd better add the to it and convert it into a gorilla.

在季慈在少年宫学习了2年的绘画培训之后，他给父亲画了一副野兽派的自画像作为生日礼物。 看着这副

野兽派的自画像，他的父亲感到一阵痛楚，你最好给它加个东西，将它改类为黑猩猩

Why is he crying? 他为什么哭泣？

“Tom, what’s the matter with your brother?” asked the mother in the kitchen. “He’s crying.”

“Oh, nothing, Mum” replied Tom. “I’m eating my cake. He is crying because I won’t give him any.”

“But has he finished his own cake?”

“Yes.” said Tom. “And he also cried when I was helping him finish that.”

“汤姆，你弟弟怎么了？”在厨房的妈妈问道。“他怎么在哭啊？”

“哦，没事儿，妈妈。”汤姆回答道。“我在吃我的蛋糕。因为我不给他，他就哭了。”

“那他吃完了自己那块了？”

“是的。”汤姆说。“我帮他吃蛋糕的时候就哭了。”

Are They Worn Out?

No, growled the quartermaster, you can't have a new pair of shoes. The pair you have aren't worn out.

Not worn out, cried the recruit, Why, if I step on a dime I can feel if it's head or tails.

还没穿破？

“不行，”军需官大声说：“你不能领一双新鞋子，你穿着的那双还没有穿破。”

“没穿破，”新兵叫道：“为什么？如果我踩到一个一角硬币，我可以知道踩着的那面是公还是字。”

2.Sunset

Father: This is the sunset my daughter painted. She studied painting abroad, you know.

Friend: Ah, that accounts for it! I never saw a sunset like that in this country.

日落

父亲：这幅《日落》是我女儿画的，你知道，她曾在国外学过画画。

朋友：啊，怪不得！我在本国还从来没有见过这样的日落。

3.A Great Man

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course. He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.

一名伟人

老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗？

学生：当然。因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。

4.Where is the father?

Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

Look, said the elder brother. How nice these paintings are!

Yes, said the younger, but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?

The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, Obviously he was painting the pictures.

父亲在哪儿？

兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。

“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”

“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”

哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”